I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.