I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them!

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.