Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.

My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.