I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
Emo PhilipsAt my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo PhilipsOnce I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
Emo PhilipsBecause we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.
Emo PhilipsI'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!
Emo Philips