Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.