Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.

I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?