England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.

I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.