I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?