You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I love my family. I came home the other days. My brother's passed-out on the couch, holding an empty bottle of sleeping pills. So I called the paramedics, and they pumped his stomach, and I think he's learned his lesson: you know, never to take my last two sleeping pills.