Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.