I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.

Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.

They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'