I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.