I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.