I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.