Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.