Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.