The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.