I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.