I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

I learned about sex the hard way... from books.

They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.