When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them!

People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.