I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?