It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

She's as funny as a toothache

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.