The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.