You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.