There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.