There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.