All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

He who laughs.....lasts.

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Never have more children than you have car windows.