A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.

There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.