Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.