Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.