I used everything you gave me.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.