I used everything you gave me.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.