I used everything you gave me.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

Success is outliving your failures

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.