Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

Every puppy should have a boy.

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.