If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.