Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.