Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.