I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.