When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.