When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.