The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.