The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.