Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.