People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.