It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.