My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.