When humor goes, there goes civilization.

My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.