Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.

Laugh now, cry later.

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.