Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.