Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.