Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.