Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.