Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.

She's as funny as a toothache

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.