I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

Never have more children than you have car windows.