The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Housework can kill you if done right.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.