I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?

not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.