I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.