Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.