In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Success is outliving your failures