I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.