Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.