God created man, but I could do better.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.