God created man, but I could do better.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.