There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.