The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.

I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.