Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.