No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.