No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.